Of Mice & Morons
by Brahma Bear
Summary: On the eve of a daring heist to plunder a world-famous luxury liner, Don Karnage and the air pirates must stand up to one of their most defiant foes ever... and it squeaks.
1. Chapter 1

**_Of Mice & Morons_**

**A note on the text:** Of Mice & Morons takes place approximately one year before the events of TaleSpin's introductory episode, Plunder & Lightning.

I suppose this story was born from the tradition of TaleSpin episodes like _It Came from Beneath the Sea Duck_... that is, a big load of air pirate hijinks with all the massive doses silliness that only they can bring to the party. Add plenty of Kit to the mix, and I'd say you have the formula for the best TaleSpin stories ever!

_Chapter 1_

**B**y the time Kit Cloudkicker arrived on the Iron Vulture's bridge, the room was already crowded with nearly the entire air pirate crew. In the short time since he'd joined the pirates, this was yet another first… the Captain had ordered everyone to the bridge for an important announcement. Karnage had been scheming something up all morning in his quarters, and Kit was arguably the most curious about what he had to say.

Don Karnage stood in the very front of the room, next to the Iron Vulture's giant windshield, at a dignifying distance from the others, of course. He had a wand in his hand, and just behind him a map was raised on a tripod stand. With proud composure, he absently picked the tip of the wand with his claw while he somewhat-patiently waited for the crew to assemble. Kit wove and shoved his way to the front of the crowd, and hopped on a stool in the corner alongside the Captain.

Once everyone was gathered, Karnage cleared his throat to get their attention. No one heard him, though, since they were gabbing amongst themselves. So, he cleared his throat louder... and louder.

Finally fed up, he marched over to a nearby lackey and grabbed his pistol.

*BANG!*

A bullet ricocheted off the ceiling, and the whole crowd hit the deck... but at least they were quiet now. Karnage tossed the pistol aside and cleared his throat again, calm and composed.

"Ahem. Now that you are un-dividing your tiny attention spans, _I_, your illustrious leader, have great plans of new plunder to speak of!"

Karnage paused for effect to allow a murmur of interest to rise among the crowd. Then he walked in from of the map and whipped his wand upon it, pointing to a water straight surrounded by a group of islands. "_This_, my mangy morons, is Ample Pass!"

Kit tipped a glance at the map questioningly, and also noticed a rolled-up magazine sticking out of Karnage's coat pocket.

The Captain continued, "Now, in your slow, disgusting minds, you are wondering _why _your cunning commander has chosen Ample Pass as prime plundering grounds! It is all very simple, you see. Thanks to my own in-pecking-able sense of strategy, _I _have discovered that tomorrow, the famous cruise ship _Queen Maureen_ will be sailing through these very islands, with _all _its fabulously filthy rich peoples!"

With a fiendish grin, he waited for them to react with cheers... or, at the very least, a round of 'oohs' and 'ahhs' would have done. But they looked at him blankly... a few scratched themselves.

Karnage rolled his eyes and muttered something toward the ceiling. "In _other words_, you incompetent imbeciles, _we _are going to _rob _the rich rubes blinder than a _batty beaver_!" He swung his wand in the air with a flourish, but it accidently slipped loose and went flying.

"Argh," someone in the crowd yelped. "My eye! My eye!"

The rest soon caught on and cheered with a heavy chorus of "Harr!" Karnage finally seemed pleased.

Kit had slid off his stool and was standing beside the map for a better look at it. Though he wasn't familiar with the particular area, he could tell by the map's color coding that the islands of Ample Pass were very mountainous, and the narrow straight itself didn't allow for much room to fight in.

"At noon tomorrow, the ship will be entering the pass _here_," Karnage said, pointing to the respective place on the map. "But this pass it shall _not _pass! Little will they know that at the other side of the channel, the dreaded _Iron Vulture _will be anchored there, blocking their way! And when they are all shaking in their expensive little booties, realizing there is no hope, that is when _we _will fly in from behind to-"

"Hey, wait a minute, Captain," Kit absently interrupted. "I think I got a better idea!"

Karnage gave him a scolding look. "Boy, do not be interrupting me when I am scheming my deeds of diabolical-ness!"

"But look! These mountains are high enough to hide the entire ship! If you want an effect, you could wait until they've turned into the pass, and then swing the Iron Vulture over the cliffs so we'll be right on top of them!"

A few pirates muttered in agreement.

"Quiet!" Karnage ordered, waving him off. "When I am needing the mind of a baby-child to tell me how to..." He stopped, and had an enlightened expression appear his face as if a light bulb had gone off over his head. "Uno momento! I am having the most amazing idea! Instead of setting the Iron Vulture on the sea, we will hide it _behind_ the mountains, and when they ship comes, we will swing _over_ the cliffs and be right on top of them!"

The pirates rang out in another enthusiastic belt of "_Harr_!"

"Gee," Kit said dryly. "Why didn't _I _think of that?"

"Listen and learn, my boy," Karnage said proudly, patting Kit on the head. "Perhaps one day!" Then, to the entire crew, he continued, "And then, men, once we have them cornered, we shall surround their ship with our planes and make the dashing and daring-type boarding that I was born to do!"

Kit had his head tilted, thinking about it. "Wouldn't it make more sense to just lower some ropes and drop in on top of 'em?"

"Boy, what did I just _tell _you about interrupting—wait, wait!" His face lit up again. "I am not believing this! I am having another moment of sheer ingenious-ment! Instead of planes, we will hover the Iron Vulture over them and drop down on ropes! They will be scared out of their wealthy wits!"

The crew shouted out again, reveling in the thought.

Karnage wiped his brow, as if he was in total awe of himself (which wasn't exactly untrue). "I am telling you... sometimes I feel like I have _two_ brilliant minds!"

Kit smacked his forehead and climbed back on the stool. As he was, he suddenly began to hear a strange squeaking noise coming from somewhere in the room.

_*squeak!*_

He glanced around, but considering how full the bridge was, couldn't quite follow the sound.

*_squeak squeak!_*

Karnage had continued speaking, "So be preparing, my men..."

*_squeak!_*

"...we shall plan our course immediately, and..."

*_squeak!_*

He stopped, glaring at the crew ferociously. "All right, _whoever _is making with the annoying squeaking-type noises is about to have his toes tied into tiny, painful knots!"

Everyone looked at one another, shrugging collectively as they tried to guess who the culprit was. They could all still hear it, though:

*_squeak squeak!_*

Karnage was obviously growing hot under the collar. "Well?"

"But it ain't _us_, boss!" Mad Dog said.

When he realized it _wasn't _one of his men, Karnage looked more puzzled than angry. He paused and listened. "Then where...?"

Then Kit spoke up, "Uh, Captain?"

Karnage turned with an angry finger pointing at him. "Are _you _squeaking?"

"Nuh-uh! But..." He pointed down at the Captain's feet, where a fuzzy brown mouse was climbing on top of his boot, looking up at him. *_squeak!_*

"A _mouse_!" Karnage shuddered and kicked the critter clear across the room. Everyone watched it fly and cry out, *_squeeeeeeeak_!* It bounced off the wall and fell on the ground, stunned and dizzy.

"Which one of you filthy vermin let _that _filthy vermin in here?" Karnage demanded. "I will not have that thing crawling around my ship!"

"Why?" Kit smirked. "Would the roaches be offended?"

Karnage shot him a warning look that simply read, "Grr."

"Er, sorry."

The mouse had collected itself and took off through the feet of the pirate crew, but just before it crossed the main entryway, it looked back at them all, particularly the person who just gave it a free flying lesson. Kit watched it and could have sworn it gave Karnage a dirty look.

Karnage shook his head, groaning. "What was I saying...?"

"Something about lotsa loot and a cruise ship," Kit said.

"Ah, yes!" At that, Karnage brightened. "The flight to Ample Pass will take one day, so we shall waste no time! Ratchet, get the cranes ready for the ropes! And Scotty, prepare our course!" He rubbed his hands together, thinking about what was to come. "Hee hee! By this time tomorrow, _I_ will have finally struck fear into the hearts of those money-loaded morons!"

He expected another roar from the crew, but to his chagrin, they all fell silent and looked toward the boy.

"Uh... sounds good to me?"

"_Harr_!"

Once lunchtime came around, Kit was heading toward the galley when he passed by Mad Dog and Dumptruck, who where huddled around a laundry chute. Mad Dog was peering inside of it, while Dumptruck wielded a heavy sledgehammer in his fists.

Kit stopped, blinked, and watched them for a moment. "Um, mind if I ask a question?"

Dumptruck looked at him suspiciously. "What _kind _of question?"

"Probably a really stupid one, I'll bet."

"Oh!" Dumptruck brightened. "I'm good at those!"

"Ow!" Mad Dog pulled his head from the shaft, clunking his head on the top while he was at it. "It ain't in there," he said.

"What in the world are you guys doing?" asked Kit.

"Der captain wants us to catch der mousey-mousey," Dumptruck answered, while tapping the head of his sledgehammer in his left palm with savage glee.

Kit looked at him like he was insane, though Dumptruck often received such looks from everyone else that he would have never noticed it. "For cryin' out loud, guys, it's just one little mouse. Are you sure two thugs and a thirty-pound hammer are gonna be enough, or should I go get you the dynamite?"

Both pirates suddenly had a bright glint in their eye as if someone had turned on a lamp inside their hollow heads.

"Wait, on second thought, we better not," said Mad Dog. "Remember the last time?"

"Oh, yeah." Dumptruck looked somewhat disappointed. "When our eyebrows went bye-bye."

"I think your _brains _went bye-bye, too," Kit muttered as he walked away.

While most of the pirates ate their meals in the gigantic main galley, the Captain and a privileged handful of his most trusted mates gathered in a dining room a level above the galley. Don Karnage had just sat down at the head of the long dining table, where the other "regulars" soon followed. Cookie, the short bulldog who was in charge of the meals, had already placed two heaping piles of fresh rolls and steaming bowls of soup on the table before anyone had arrived.

Kit rarely ate in the dining room, unless he sat on a stool by the counter. Other than that, all the seats at the table were spoken for. That time, however, since Mad Dog and Dumptruck were busy elsewhere, he took the opportunity to fill in one of their seats. He jumped in Mad Dog's chair, which was at the corner, next to Karnage and opposite of Gibber and Ratchet.

"And just what do you think _you _are doing?" Karnage asked him, a bit amused at the boy's boldness.

"Well, eating," Kit grinned. "Besides, if the poor mutt's gotta miss lunch, the _least _I can do is keep his seat warm for him."

"Ah, generous to a fault," Karnage said. "Just like me!"

On the other end, Hal and a couple others quietly joked about what would happen if Mad Dog walked in to take his seat. "A week of latrine detail says the brat can take him," Hal said.

"Pff, what's the runt gonna do, punch 'im in the ankles?" another asked.

"And the shins," Hal replied. "Don't forget about the shin-kicking factor." The others nodded and agreed.

As the pirates started into their meal, Kit, hungry as any of them, grabbed his spoon and was ready to gobble his share down in record time... but after one sip, he almost turned as green as the concoction in his bowl. "What _is _this stuff?"

"Cream of spinach, boy," Karnage answered.

"C-cream of _what_-ach?" Kit watched, somewhat frozen with disgust, as Karnage pleasantly slurped spoonful after spoonful down while occasionally adding salt and pepper.

"Do not be giving me the two big eyes, eat it!" Karnage said.

"It looks like someone already _did_," Kit muttered to himself. Don Karnage was far from a health-food connoisseur, but he _did _have eccentric tastes that made themselves evident now and then... that was first made apparent to Kit when he saw the Captain dip a forkful of linguini into a cup of cold cocoa. To imagine the headlines on _Ripley's Believe it 'r Don't..._

Kit looked at the others, who had already devoured all the rolls on the table, even the crumbs, and were now looking into their soup with the same bewildered loathing Kit did... except for one. Hal was scarfing his portion down so fast that if he wasn't purposely maintaining _some _level of table manners in front of the Captain, he probably would have dunked his entire fat face in and started gulping it down by the pint.

_A walking garbage disposal_, Kit thought. "You actually _like _spinach?" he asked the Captain.

"Mm-hm," he replied, slowly swallowing as to savor every taste. A collective groan quietly rose from everyone else.

Kit closely examined the oddly-textured green slop as he stirred it in its bowl. It looked like pureed grass, and smelled worse. "This stuff looks like it got scraped off the shower walls."

Karnage cringed. "Well, for you, boy, we have two choices."

"Yeah?"

"Eat it or go hungry."

Kit sighed and pushed his bowl away. "I'll wait." Luckily, it was Friday, and that usually meant steak for dinner. Or in other words, _real _food.

Hal suddenly sat up, groggily, with a splash of green goo dripping down his chin. "It's no use," he quietly said to the others nearest to him. "No matter how fast I try to eat it, I can still... *burp*... _taste _it."

One by one, the others followed suit, getting too sick to stand another bite. Karnage suddenly realized he was the only one eating, and looked at them all with a raised eyebrow. "_Well_? What is it?"

"We're fu-ull," they all moaned miserably.

"Then why don't you all _vamoose _and let me eat in peace, you fooligans?"

At that moment, Cookie came into the room with a covered silver platter in his hands, which he set next to the Captain. As he entered, everyone but Kit at least _pretended _to resume eating their meal. As short as he was, the stout bulldog chef had a reputation of being a ferocious brawler and overly-sensitive of his food... in all, someone who it was best _not _to insult.

When he saw Kit had pushed his bowl away, his brow wrinkled into angry, thick folds that made the cub start. "Somethin' _wrong _with your cream of spinach, kid?"

Kit hesitated. "Uh, well, n-no, not really, I'm just not very hungry right now."

Just then, Gibber, with a devilish grin, leaned over and whispered something in Cookie's ear, which made the chef's eyes widen, then glower at the boy. "Scraped off the shower walls, huh?"

Kit's mouth fell open. "I, uh... I mean., uh... did _I _say that? No no, what I _meant _was...!"

"Aw, no need to explain!" Cookie interrupted, acting quite kind and composed as he walked around behind Kit's chair. "No worries! If you don't like Cookie's cookin', I'll just hafta try harder for ya. So tonight, I'll fix you a plate of somethin'... _special_."

Kit sank in his seat, blushing red as the scarf hanging around his neck. "Oh, tha-that won't be necessarily, really."

"Think nothin' of it," the chef said through clenched teeth. "Nothin' of it at all!"

When he left, all the pirates burst out laughing, and all Kit could do was slump limply over the table and take a deep breath. He did, however, manage to peer up at Gibber with a dirty look. "Thanks a _lot_, guys... I appreciate it."

"You know, I _like _that nincompirate!" Karnage said, wiping his eyes. "He is so mean... it's like... a work of art!"

When the snickering had ended, Will the second mate piped up, "Uh, boss, you said something about 'vamoose-ing'?"

"Yes, yes, get lost, will you? In a _hurry_."

The crew didn't have to wait for a second invitation... they bolted as fast as they could, and in three seconds all that was left of them was a couple of airborne napkins twirling in the wake of their departure like falling leafs.

Only Kit and Gibber stayed; for Gibber, he was usually _always _within earshot of the Captain, so that wasn't such a surprise he didn't leave. "Well, boy, what about you?" Karnage asked. "Waiting for seconds?"

Kit slouched forward and sighed, resting his chin in his hands. "Naw... food or not, I figure if I'm gonna get a chance to sit here, I might as well take my time."

"Ah, so I see." Karnage tipped a glance at Gibber, half-smiling. The boy obviously thought sitting at the Captain's table was a big deal; subtle hints of enthusiasm like that spoke volumes about his potential as pirate for the history books. In Karnage's mind, he could see it like a vision, the boy growing to be strong, capable, confident, and ultimately the most dangerous and feared pirate of all time... well, the _second _most, Karnage figured.

"So... what's that?"asked Kit, gestering to the silver platter Cookie brought in.

"My caesar salad, of course," Karnage replied.

Spinach soup and salad. Kit and Gibber exchanged a look that agreed on one thing: the Captain was out of his mind.

As Karnage was finishing his soup, Kit soon grew jittery and bored, and started thinking of the big heist they were planning on pulling tomorrow. "Say Captain, I was just wondering something... there's probably a dozen easier ways we could snatch that cruise ship tomorrow."

"Yes? And the point on your head being...?"

"Well, why go through all the trouble of making it so dramatic?"

"Because, boy, as you will learn, presentation is everything!" The Captain reached into his coat pocket and pulled out the magazine Kit had noticed that morning during the briefing. "Here, take a look-see and see."

Kit blinked as he read the magazine's title: _Obscene Wealth, Monthly._ "_You _buy this magazine?"

"Of course not!" Karnage seemed indignant at the very thought. "I would not waste a single penny... I steal it from a blind old lady who owns a paper stand."

"Ah. That sounds more like it."

"Read where I have the page folded."

Kit flipped to the page in question, an article simply-enough entitled, _Holiday on the Queen Maureen_. As the heading implied, the entire piece was about the famous ocean liner, her cruise schedules, and, of course, a list of reasons why vacationing on the ship was absolutely _the _most fashionable way to show the tremendous height of one's social status.

Over one particular paragraph, however, it appeared the page had been scratched, like from Karnage's claws. It dealt with the subject of air pirates, and the risk of the ship ever being attacked in international waters. Quoted from the article, Winston James Greenshire, captain of the Queen Maureen, said, "My ship has brought a richly delightful experience to its honorable passengers for the past five years. Frankly, I believe beasts like pirates know very well we will not be intimidated by their villainy, and they have not the gumption to dare approach us."

It took a few minutes for Kit to read through it, but when he was finished, he understood what Karnage meant... and knowing the Captain, he was ever-determined to make tomorrow the darkest day in Captain Greenshire's life. "So this guy's kinda asking for it, huh?"

Don Karnage sat back in his chair, a gleam in his eye just from imagining it. "Should I just say... I am hoping they all brought a change of trousers."

Gibber suddenly looked awful confused, and whispered something into Karnage's ear. "No, I am _not _telling you what I mean by that," Karnage snapped. "Now shut up and let me eat!"

The Captain removed the cover from the silver platter, revealing the finely-tossed salad he had specially requested. He had just scooped up a bite and was chewing on it when he noticed something he didn't like. "Raisins? I did not ask for no stinking raisins!"

Kit leaned forward for a closer look. Sure enough, there were small, roundish, dark specks scattered on the lettuce... but they didn't look like raisins. "Uh, Captain... I don't think those are raisins."

Karange's eyebrows knitted as he tried to figure it out. "Chocolate chips?"

After taking a quick sniff, Kit leaned back... _way _back... and gravely shook his head. "Chocolate doesn't smell like that."

Karnage froze as if every cell in his body locked up. His eyes began to water... then suddenly, that same brown mouse burst from his salad, streaked down the table and dropped out of sight.

Karnage spit out what little was left in his mouth, and flew backwards in his chair, rolling head-over-heals on the floor. "Aaaaugghh! Water!" he cried. He got to his feet, gagging and dancing around in a panic as if he had just been poisoned, and was frantically wiping his tongue on his sleeves.

Hearing all the commotion from the distance, several of the pirates rushed to the room to see what was happening.

Gibber quickly handed him a glass of water, which Karnage tipped back like a shot glass, sloshed it around his cheeks, and spit it back out... all over Gibber.

"That...! That...!" Wiping his lips, Karnage was so enraged he could hardly speak. "That _thing _used _my _salad to take a... a...!" He was boiling, and shaking like a volcano about to erupt. "_**Kill** that mouse! _Find it, you imbeciles, _now_!"

It was definitely the wrong order to give. In an instant, the clean, organized decor of the dining room was thrown asunder, with chairs, dishes, and nicknacks flying everywhere. The pirates were under the table, ransacking through the cabinets, running into each others' heads... and to think, a number of them didn't even _hear _about the 'finding the mouse' part.

"No no, stop!" Karnage shouted, realizing his mistake. He quickly ducked when a ballistic leg of fried chicken flew straight for his head. "Stop! I _said_—wait, _where _did the estupid chicken come from?"

"Chicken?" Kit chimed from the corner; he was using one of the chairs as cover. "Where? I'm starved!"

"Boy, will you shut u—!" *_clunk_* Unlike the chicken leg, Karnage never saw the brass candlestick coming... not until it clocked him right between the eyes. "Yeee-_oowch_!"

"Ooh," Kit cringed, "that's gonna leave a bump."

After staggering around until his eyes uncrossed, Karnage was desperate to regain command of the situation. "I said to stop, you stooges! Cyst and disease at once!"

He leapt up on top of the table to get the crew's attention, but landed his left foot squarely in his caesar salad... he lost his balance, his feet went airborne—so did the salad—and together his head and backside hit the hard, polished surface with a bone-jarring thud.

His plan worked, though... he got the crew's attention. They had frozen silent and were scared to move an inch... well, except for Ratchet, but only because he had a tomato slice to pluck from his eye.

By that time, Dumptruck and Mad Dog had arrived, and were awestruck at the destruction. It looked like the room had been hit by a big tornado.

"What happened?" Mad Dog marveled. Dumptruck was getting the answer from Gibber, and when he returned to Mad Dog, he looked horror-stricken. "_Well_?" Mad Dog asked impatiently.

"Der mousey happened," Dumptruck gasped. "It must be an _evil _mousey!"

With a long, drawn-out groan, Karnage started to stir, and slowly, painfully, sat up. A deep, feral growl rose from his throat, prompting everyone to take a fearful step back. Kit had almost piped up to ask if he was all right, but on second thought, chose to stay quietly behind the cover of his chair. It was, after all, the safest place in the room.

"If any of you nail-biting nitwits ever mentions this again," the Captain said slowly but gravely, "I will staple your tails _to the ceiling_!" He eventually staggered to his feet, but stepped on a leaf of lettuce, slicked with salad dressing, and fell again.

Pirates began to whimper... a few lucky ones standing nearest to the door were able to discreetly make a run for it. The rest were left with Don Karnage and his temper.

Grumbling curses under his breath in Spanish, Karnage managed to sit up again, but to the crew's surprise, that's all he did... just sat there, apparently thinking. "My dining room... and one mouse." He started to giggle; no one knew if it was a sign of relief, or if they should be more frightened. "Hee, all this mess. Hee hee, all this pain. Hee hee ha, and one little mouse!"

As his giggles evolved into all-out laughter, a couple of the other crewmen started to chuckle with him... a bad decision, if there ever was one. "What are _you _laughing at!" the Captain suddenly barked, scaring them so badly they nearly fell over.

Karnage jumped back on the ground and began to pace furiously around the table. "I am _not _going to let that mouse make a moron out of me!"

Then, from somewhere in the room, he heard that sound again: *_squeak!_* *_squeak!_*

Like a reflex, Karnage drew his sword, absently caressing its sharp edge as he glanced around for the direction of the noise. "You hear that... it is even _taunting _me..." His eyes narrowed murderously. "Fine for you, my four-legged fool... _this _is war!"

He turned to Dumptruck and Mad Dog. "You two, stay here and find the mouse! It is still in here, I can _smell _its filthiness! The rest of you, out! Out out out!" Then to Kit, he ordered, "And you, boy, stay low by the door. Make sure it does not escape!"

Everyone complied, leaving Dumptruck and Mad Dog to do the dirty work; it was a good plan, however, since only two inside the room would be far less chaotic... although, notwithstanding, the pair usually brought plenty of chaos naturally by themselves.

Kit assumed his post at the doorway, and Karnage stood right behind him, anxiously waiting to witness the mouse's demise. A handful of the other pirates also crowded around, rubbernecking from behind the Captain to see what would happen.

Dumptruck still had his sledgehammer in hand, and was wielding it over his head as he glanced around the floor. There was so much debris and broken objects on the ground, it seemed like the mouse could have hid anywhere.

"Listen for the squeak!" Karnage told them. "Follow the squeak!"

The two stood still and listened.

*_squeak_!*

"There!" Mad Dog suddenly cried, pointing to a nearby oak cabinet. "It's coming from inside there!"

Instantly, as if a bolt of lightning moved him, Dumptruck jumped to the cabinet and swung the sledgehammer down, smashing it into hundreds of pieces.

Karnage nearly turned purple. "Ack! No, smash the _mouse_, you baboons, _not _my furniture!"

"Sor-ry," they moaned.

"Well, did you at least _hit _it?" Karnage wanted to know.

Mad Dog began sorting through the broken pieces, but saw no trace of their foe. "I can't find it, boss! It musta got outta there in a hurry!"

"Where could it be?" Dumptruck wondered aloud. Mad Dog glanced up at him, and had to do a double-take... crawling on the brim of Dumptruck's top hat was the mouse, sniffing about.

"Don't move, and gimme the hammer," Mad Dog said quickly and quietly. "I see it!"

Dumptruck asked no questions, just handed the sledgehammer over. He may have been a fool, but he was a trusting fool, to his credit.

"Now don't move!"

Kit, Karnage, and the others couldn't see the mouse from where they were, and watched with silent (and surprised) bewilderment as Mad Dog swung the sledgehammer over his companion's crown... there was a loud clank, like the sound of metal hitting concrete.

About three seconds later, Dumptruck finally blinked. "Hey! Why'd you mess up my hat for, eh?"

"Because, cement-head, the mouse was on it!"

"Der _evil _mousey? Ooh, get it off! Get it off!" From there, Dumptruck threw down his hat and broke into an ungraceful, jiggling dance to make sure the critter wasn't clinging onto him. He looked like he was trying to do the rumba at record speed.

Karnage smacked his forehead, running his hand down his face. This was just too embarrassing to watch...

Then, like a blur, the mouse was seen zipping across the floor, until it ran behind an overturned chair. Mad Dog and Dumptruck raced over to it, but when they picked up the chair, the mouse was gone.

A squeak came from the opposite side of the room. "It's over there!" Mad Dog yelled, and off they trampled to the far corner... but again, no mouse.

Another squeak, this time near the same chair again.

"Holy prop-wash, that thing's fast," Kit commented.

"Yes, so I see," Karnage said, scratching his chin thoughtfully. "Perhaps this mouse is not so estupid..."

Dumptruck frowned. "Oh no... a _smart _evil mousey!"

"Will you quit whining and just _catch _it already!" shouted Karnage.

"Hold on, I gotta—wait, I think—yeah! I gotta idea!" Mad Dog said proudly. So the two briefly huddled together, and Mad Dog explained his plan: Dumptruck would take the hammer and stand stationary, and Mad Dog would flush the mouse out toward his direction.

As the others watched them carry out their strategy, Karnage was somewhat pleased. "For once, perhaps they have their brains screwed in right."

Dumptruck stood still near the head of the table, and Mad Dog carefully crawled about the floor, swiping his hand over the debris to startle the mouse into view. When the mouse suddenly appeared and dashed under the table, it seemed like the plan was going to work like a charm.

"Get ready," the scrawny canine said, "it's under the table!"

Dumptruck hoisted the sledgehammer and waited...

The mouse was hiding behind one of the table legs, and Mad Dog crept toward it, about to pounce...

"Hi-ya!" With a warring cry, the mutt lunged under the table, and recklessly darted toward the other end. "Okay! It's coming _now_!"

As soon as he saw the first sign of movement, Dumptruck swung down with all his might... a loud, echoing *_clang_* resounded throughout the room... all the onlookers cringed at what kind of gory mess must have laid there.

"Well?" pressed Karnage. "Did you _get _it?"

Dumptruck slowly stepped back, looking at the sledgehammer regretfully. "Der, sorry dere, Mad Dog."

"Okay, I think we _all _saw that coming," Kit said. The rest just groaned.

After that, the mouse seemed to have disappeared, and Karnage himself and a few more pirates carefully walked in to find it... what they found, however, was a small hole in the wall, where the mouse had made a clean getaway.


	2. Chapter 2

**_Of Mice & Morons_**, by Ted Heinz   
  


_Chapter 2_

**T**he mouse might have escaped the dining room, but Don Karnage wasn't about to give up so easily. He had Ratchet dig up the blueprints of the Iron Vulture and find out where the cavity in the wall lead to, and what possible places the mouse had to go from there.

"He could go _anywhere _from there, boss," was Ratchet's report. "He's small enough to fit through just about anything. It'd be impossible to—"

The fiery glare coming from the Captain's eyes told him that he needed to come up with better news than that, if he valued his elbows.

Ratchet cleared his throat and glanced at the blueprints in his hands again. "Hey, whaddaya know! I think I can pin 'im down to, uh, lessee..." With a pen, he quickly circled six particular areas on the ship. "These places!"

Satisfied with the information, Karnage immediately spread the entire crew into groups and had them go to the sites Ratchet had pointed out.

The Captain joined the search himself, and had the boy, Gibber, Dumptruck, and Ratchet follow him. As for Mad Dog, he was doing relatively well for someone who just had his noggin readjusted with a sledgehammer... he was currently enjoying a nice cat nap in sick bay, with a big block of ice strapped to his head. As Karnage had said of it, "It could have been worse... if he _had _a brain to damage."

Karnage and company were on deck level three, not very far from the hangar. Ratchet led them to a circular, uncovered shaft that he surmised the mouse could have gone inside.

"It's supposed to be one of the main air shafts for the furnace ventilation," the mechanic explained.

"This?" Karnage asked.

"Yeah, but it was never finished. Not this one, anyway, not even close. So what we got here is a big open pipe, slanting downstairs, with a couple more shafts spillin' into it along the way. The mouse could have easily dropped down from any one of 'em."

Karnage nodded, curtly. "Fine, then. Boy, you're small enough, go down there and look."

"_Me_?" Kit had come across that particular pipe many times, but crawling inside it didn't seem like the wisest idea in the world. He approached the opening and peered down inside, all of it pitch black, except for a small glint of light where the pipeline ended a story below. "I'm not gonna end up in the furnace, am I?"

"Of course not!" Karnage said, reassuringly. "Would I send you down a dark, mysterious hole without knowing it would be perfectly safe?" Then, aside to Ratchet, he muttered, "Ehm, _would _he end up in the furnace?"

Ratchet shook his head. "Not a chance."

"Like I say, boy, perfectly safe!" The Captain took a flashlight from Ratchet and handed it to the cub. "Now shoo! And be sure to look good!"

"Well, all right..." Kit climbed inside and lit the flashlight. He was just a few feet inside when, with a yelp, he slid out of their sight! Just as quickly, from the distance, they could hear him shout, "Ya-hoooo!"

"Boy!" Karnage called down. "What is it? Did you find the mouse?"

From the other end, Kit's voice echoed faintly, "No, but what great slide! Can I do it again?"

Exasperated, almost ready to bang his head against wall, Karnage sighed. "And I thought he was the _smart _one..." All the sudden, he heard that taunting noise again: *_squeak squeak!_* It was coming right from the pipe!

Karnage perked up like something had bit him. "It _is _down there!" he cried. "Ratchet, go down and get it!"

"M-me, boss? Maybe you should wait for one of the smaller guys, like..."

Karnage wasn't listening. He grabbed the mechanic by the collar and threw him inside the pipe, headfirst. "Follow that squeak!" he ordered.

"Fine," Ratchet grumbled. It was a painfully tight fit, and he had limited use of his limbs; but, slowly, he was able to worm his way through. Since Kit still had his flashlight, he really had no intention of looking for the mouse in such darkness, but seeing how Karnage wasn't going to have it any other way, he had no choice but to at least make the journey down.

Several minutes later, and halfway through the pipe, the inevitable happened. "Dangit, boss, I'm stuck!"

"Well _un_-stuck yourself and keep looking!" was the reply from above.

"I _can't_!"

"Oh, that idiot," Karnage fumed, as he stepped away from the opening. "Can anyone do one thing right around here?"

Kit was back with the group by then, and asked, "Well, no offense, Captain, but it _is _pretty tight down there. You can go down for yourself, if you wanna see."

"Are you nuts, boy? I would get _stuck _down there!" He turned to Dumptruck and Gibber, ordering, "You two, get the fooligan out of there somehow. Boy, you come with me. We are going to _find _that mouse or else!"

  
  


Ratchet ended up joining Mad Dog in the infirmary that afternoon. As it came about, Gibber and Dumptruck had not one, but _two _brilliant ideas to set him loose. 

Their first idea was to throw a rope from the bottom of the pipe toward the stuck mechanic, but it became apparent that they needed to tie a weight to the end of the rope to give it enough momentum to reach him. So, they found a part of a scrapped airplane radiator from the hangar (it had blown in half during a dogfight weeks prior), and tied it to the rope. It was a rather heavy piece of metal, but as far as Dumptruck was concerned, he could throw it like a baseball.

The big mastiff wound up and let fly, sending the rope up the pipe... the thing was, it was so dark that Ratchet couldn't see. All he could do was wonder what in the world that loud noise was (the radiator bouncing though the shaft), until it finally hit him in the face.

After being thoroughly cussed out for their genius, Dumptruck and Gibber were forced to think up a cleverer plan. Their second idea should have won them a blue ribbon: they were going to grease him out.

The two went to the galley, explained what they needed to Cookie, and he was generous enough to spare a big, smelly pot of lard grease to use. The problem was, however, the grease was cold and hard. They would have to warm it up if they were ever going to be able to pour it... and did they ever.

When the returned to the pipe, Dumptruck, wearing big oven mitts, came ready with the pot smoking and the grease almost simmering. When they poured it down, they say the labyrinth of the ship's ventilation system carried Ratchet's _"Yeeee-aaha-oooow!_" down every room and hallway.

The good news was, the grease _did _work, and he slid out of the pipe. The fur on his backside was expected to grow back within a week.

  


As the day winded down into evening, Don Karnage still had a problem. Well, three, to be exact. Firstly, it was dinnertime and he'd have to eat at the desk in his cabin since his dining room was in shambles. Secondly, his chief mechanic and one of his best pilots were out of commission, and he still had a big plunder planned in the morning. Thirdly, and most irritating, that blasted mouse was still on the loose.

When Kit entered the galley, almost everyone else was either just sitting down or already eating. It was the usual drill every day: well before each mealtime, based on a rotating schedule, about half a dozen crewmen were mandated to help prepare and fill the two eighty-foot-long benches with enough hot food to feed a small village... which, for this particular crowd, was just enough.

As for Kit, it was one of the best things about joining the pirates: never a hungry moment (unless, perhaps, cream of spinach soup was served for lunch). Dinner was always good and hearty, as apparent by the sheer size and strength of the bigger pirates. Since he had skipped lunch (so did everyone else but Karnage, for that matter), the savory scent of charbroiled steak beckon to him like a sweet perfume.

Just as he was looking for a spot to join in, one of the guys informed him that his supper was already waiting for him.

"Uh-oh," Kit muttered. He had forgotten all about Cookie's 'promise.' Sure enough, at one place on the bench, there was a plate already made, with a chrome lid over it. Dreadfully, he approached it, and even more dreadfully, braved to take off the lid... to his shock, there was a steak. A sirloin steak, to be exact, smothered in gravy, with a side of buttered potatoes.

The warm, pleasant aroma made his mouth water. Jacque, the short Scotish terrier who often worked the helm, sat down beside the boy with his own food, a little curious as to what Kit's surprise was. "I heard you had a run-in with Cookie, huh?"

"I'd call it a misunderstanding," Kit replied. "I thought I was in for it, but this looks great! And it smells great, too." He noticed that Jacque had the exact same thing on his place, sirloin steak and potatoes, the only difference being Jacque's didn't have gravy.

"I dunno, lad," said Jacque, "it doesn't seem like him to me. That heel-biter's got a mean-streak in him like an angry bee."

"Well, maybe he changed his mind," Kit said.

Static began to break through the loudspeakers above, and the Captain's voice came through: "Attention, men. This important announcement is being brought to you by—who else—your admirable leader, Don Kar_rr_nage!"

The crew stopped what they were doing for that moment, and listened.

The message continued: "As you know, we have an intruder in our midst. A very cunning intruder, but he cannot hide forever! I want this mouse caught by tomorrow, before we begin our plundering of the Queen Maureen! Therefor-as-much, the first person to dispose of the wretched rodent will be rewarded a prize... of _twenty pieces of gold. _ Karnage out.

The speakers clicked and the message was over, and the entire galley was buzzing over the prospect of winning the reward.

"Twenty pieces," Jacque marveled. "He must really hate that mouse."

"No kidding," Kit said. At another bench, Sadie and Hacksaw were gibbering in each other's ear, and hurriedly left the galley. "Looks like those two got something in mind already. What about you, you gonna go for it?"

Jacuqe thought about it for a moment, but shook his head. "Watch and see, lad. By this time tomorrow, the infirmary'll be packed heavier than a sack of potatoes."

Kid nodded knowingly. At any rate, the only thing he really cared about was eating his delicious dinner. He cut a piece off and savored the warm tenderness in his mouth... until he noticed something horribly rotten. It was the gravy... it didn't taste like food, but more dirty, grimy even...

Rugby, a thin, yellow-furred canine, came up to them. "Hey Jacque, you hear about Cookie?"

"No, why?"

"Ha! He musta peeved the boss somethin' bad today... someone saw 'im scrapin' all the junk off the walls in the showers. Scraped 'em clean as a bone!"

"*_Ptooey_*! Oh, _yuck_!" Kit suddenly spit out his steak, and made a beeline for the nearest bathroom.

"Now what's wrong with _him_," Rugby wondered. Out of curiosity, he dipped his finger in Kit's 'gravy' and tasted it. "Hey," he brightened, "how'd the runt get a hold of great gravy like this?"

  
  


After he finished his dinner, Don Karnage left his quarters, headed for the bridge. Just outside his door, he came across Dumptruck in the hall, who was crouching down, searching the floor.

"And what are _you _doing?" asked the Captain.

"I thought I saw der evil mousey come this way," the bulky pirate replied.

"R_rr_eally?" Karnage took a couple careful glances around before he started off again. "Well, catch it, and the reward is yours. But whatever you do, make _sure _it does not go into my room!"

"Aye aye, Captain!"

When Karnage left, Dumptruck took a moment to scratch his nose and put some serious thought into what the Captain had ordered him... "No mousey in der Captain's room... Ah-ha! I know!" 

At once, he galloped to one of the storage rooms. When he came back, he had a big burlap sack full of mousetraps, the age-old kind that snapped a bar down when the critter touched the bait. Figuring that this was one of the best ideas he ever had, he went inside the Captain's room, and one by one, cocked and placed the traps on the floor... that is,_ all over _the floor.

He snorted with laughter when he thought of how pleased Karnage would be that his room was so well protected. "Yesser, der Captain will be so proud of me!"

Perhaps if he had only _told _the Captain what he had done...

Late that night, after Karnage had finished planning the final touches of the Queen Maureen's big day, he lumbered through the ship toward his room, groggy and grumpy, and was still very annoyed that even with the reward up for grabs, the mouse remained at large.

He needed rest, a solid, good night's sleep; that was the only thing that was going to make him unwind. It was unfortunate that he didn't turn on a light before going into his room... the hull of the Iron Vulture was soon filled with the strangest clatter:

_clappity_* Ow! *_clappity_* Ouch! *_clappity_* Ooh! *_clappity_* Yeow! *_clappity_* Ouch! *_clappity_* Yipe! *_clappity_* Yeeoowch...!

  
  
  
  


Early the next morning, Kit was awoken by the sound of the Iron Vulture's engines firing to life. That, and the steady click of the anchor being hoisted, meant the ship was going to be airborne within the next five minutes.

Kit jumped out of bed right away and pulled his sweater on. Today was the big day, and he wasn't about to miss a second of the action. Before leaving his berth, he took a good look out his broadside window, and saw the sky was clear as crystal, the sun bright and cheery, and the ocean a perfect hue of deep blue. "Just think," he smirked, "it would've been a great day for a cruise!"

Will, who was in charge of the hangar operations, was having conniptions about Sadie and Hacksaw leaving the ship the previous night with one of the seaplanes, and not yet returning.

"I got _three _mother-lovin' hours to get all the hangar prepped for Ample Pass," the cigar-chewing fox in the snap-brim fedora bellowed. "And now those two goons are gonna barge in the middle of my work and blotch us all up! Tell you what, when they call in for clearance, you shoot their tails down and tell 'em _I_ said to swim home...!"

In one area, noted by nuts, bolts, tools, and engine parts strewn across the floor, several planes had their hoods open and were undergoing hasty repairs; since Ratchet wasn't there to supervise, things were particularly stressful. 

The planes that weren't being repaired were being refueled, and all had yet to be rearmed. For security reasons, it was a necessity for the CT-37s to be fully prepared for engagement first thing in the morning; that way, they were never surprised. Even though Karnage's plans for the Queen Maureen didn't involve the attack planes, their preparation was still mandatory. 

After that part was finished, all the craft and equipment still needed to be taxied toward the furthermost parts of the hangar, so the the pirates commencing the "drop" on the cruise ship would have plenty of room to set up. Will had his morning cut out for him.

Kit rushed to the hangar floor and approached him. "Will! What can I do?"

Will momentarily stopped swearing and ranting to address him. "Kid, I want you to go down to storage deck, bring me back every coil of long rope you see. Find a jerk to go with you if you can, it'll save you some trips."

"Ropes, got it!"

"Will!" someone in the distance shouted. "Plane just touched down on the flight deck!"

"These guys better have one gold nugget of a story," the second mate grumbled. 

Before he went for the ropes, Kit decided to stick around for a minute to see what kind of fireworks would ignite. A brief siren blared to alert the hangar crew that a plane was coming down from the top fleck deck via the aircraft elevator.

As the seaplane dropped down, Don Karnage, Gibber, and Dumptruck came from the bridge and stood beside Will. When Kit saw them, his eyes widened like saucers. Karnage was walking with a slight limp, and had his tail, ear, and fingers taped up... and those were just the visible parts. Dumptruck, on the other hand, was miserably sporting clamped mousetraps on both hears, his nose, elbows, and tail. Kit didn't know what exactly happened, but his gut feeling was that their appearances were somehow related.

The Captain, for one, was as angry as Will was for the seaplane affecting the crew's schedule, and impatiently waited, with a foot tapping and hands on his waist, to start yelling.

When the plane stopped close in front of them, Sadie burst out of the cockpit door, grinning ear-to-ear. "Anyone catch that mouse yet?"

"Forget the mouse!" Will growled. "Get this plane off my floor! Where the snarf have you two been?!"

"Maswich Village! We got the answer to _all _our mouse problems!"

Karnage suddenly felt more intrigued than angry. He gestured at Will to quiet down and asked, "What are you meaning? What have you two lame-brains been up to?"

Sadie went around to the rear of the plane and opened the cargo door. Hacksaw followed closely behind him, so giddily high-strung he was clasping his hands and jumping up and down as if he was desperate for a restroom. "Yeah, you'll absolutely _love _it, Cap'n," he said in his quiet but shrill, cockney-accented voice. "Show 'im show 'im show 'im what we did!"

His curiosity piqued, Karnage went up to the plane to peer inside the dark cargo hold, when he heard: "Meow!"

"You brought—a _gato_?!"

Before he could even blink, an entire herd of stray felines of all breeds and colors burst out of the plane, knocking him flat on his back.

"No, _cats_!" replied Sadie. "Ten of 'em!"

The instant Karnage sat up and collected his wits, the last cat, a plump tabby, leapt out and caught traction on stunned Captain's face, sprawling him on the floor again.

For a solid moment, Karnage lie there limply, dusty cat paw prints on him from head to toe, his eyes wide and aimlessly staring at the ceiling as if he couldn't believe what had just happened actually did. "I never thought it was possible," he said. "I have discovered an entire new level of stupidity..."

"Did we win the reward?" Hacksaw asked excitedly.

If the Captain had an "explosion" button, it had just been pushed. He swung his arms and legs like a three-year-old throwing a wild tantrum on the floor, until he somehow managed to spring himself back to his feet, foaming like a mad bull.

Kit plugged his fingers in his ears. "Here we go..."

"You half-wit hairballs!" Karnage seethed, grabbing the two by their ears and knocking their heads together. "Now instead of one mouse, there is one mouse and _ten gatos _running lose! Could you not find a stinking _tiger _to bring aboard also?!"

As the two shrank back and rubbed their foreheads, Hacksaw muttered, "See? I _told _you we should have tried the zoo."

"You both have _one hour _to get all those gatos off my ship, or I am going to think of something _so _horrible, _so _painful, _so _gruesome—!" In a fit of fury, he grabbed Sadie by his shirt and swung him like a sack of dough clear to the other side of the hangar. "Your _toenail clippings _will be begging for mercy!"

Kit ducked behind Will, as if he risked getting hit by the next flunky the Captain decided to throw. "Cripes, remind me never to bring home a pet!"

  
  


The hour had passed, leaving approximately two more until the Iron Vulture reached Ample Pass. The crew on the bridge reported the airship was flying against a strong headwind, and Don Karnage grew anxious about arriving in enough time. As it was, they would only have an estimated fifteen minutes after reaching their chosen strategic site before the Queen Maureen entered the pass.

Wearily, Karnage paced down the hall leading to his quarters, with the weight of how deplorable events had unfolded in the last twenty-four hours bearing on his mind. He hadn't even seen the mouse all day, and still it was causing him more pain and complication than he ever bargained for.

Despite the chaotic moments, though, nothing had been able to keep the plans for the Queen Maureen's plunder from moving solidly. Barring they merely arrive on time, the day would go down as one of the most publicized raids of the century. Still, though he would never admit it, there was a foreboding, irrational fear looming over his head... suppose somehow, the way his luck had been going lately, the mouse could interfere and ruin his perfect plan. It was quite impossible in every way imaginable, but that just made him all the more uneasy. Oh, how he wanted that mouse dead!

Upon entering his room, he went straight for his bed and threw himself on top of the covers, stretching and sprawling out to relax for a few minutes...

*_Meow?_*

Well, so much for relaxing. The sound had come from under his bed. Groaning and griping, he abandoned his brief, comfortable retreat and got on the floor to have a look.

"All right, get out of there, you feline-type furball!" 

In the darkness, he could see its eyes shining like two pearls. He reached in there to grab it, but had his hand immediately pricked by the cat's claws. "Ow! Why you little—!" Then it hissed fiercely at him, which ticked him off even more. "Do not take that tone with me_, _you ugly...!"

Almost out of thin air, the fluffy white feline shot out of the shadows, in full attack mode, and clenched onto Karnage's neck with its teeth and claws!

"Aaugh!" he choked. "And _ow_! Ow ow ow! _Get off me_!" He rolled around and wrestled with it on the floor, even knocking over a lamp stand, but it was no use... the cat was dug into him like a pin in a cushion.

Hearing all the ruckus from nearby, Kit came flying into the room. "Ohmygosh! What are you doing to that poor cat?!"

"Poor _cat_?! _Help me_, you gawking goon!"

"Right!" Kit ran over to him, but then paused. "Um... how exactly?"

"Just _get it off_!" Karnage impatiently wheezed.

Kit grabbed onto the cat and pulled, which seemed to just aggravated it more and make it cling harder to Karnage's hide.

"I can't! It's tattooed itself to your throat!"

"*cough* Ow! I am—yeowch!—_knowing that_!"

Kit tried again, yanking with all his might.

"Ouch! Leave my skin _attached_, boy!"

At that time, Dumptruck rushed in, who had also heard the commotion while mopping the halls (swabbing the decks all morning was his punishment for the mousetrap incident). He still had his mop in hand, and when he saw the chaotic scene, and Karnage frantically calling for help, he jumped right to the cause. "Duh, hold on, Captain! I'll save you!"

Dumptruck took two quick swings at the cat with his mop, but ended up clobbering Karnage in the snout each time. "Oof! Hit the _gato_, you idiot, _not my face_!"

Sadie came in, dragging a big back behind him, and seemed pleasantly surprised when he saw everyone. "Hey! You guys found the last cat!—oh, geez, does that hurt?"

Kit ran into the adjoining bathroom (the Captain's own) and came back out with a decorative vase full of water, which he threw all over Karnage and the cat... now soaked, the ferocious feline finally let go, and Sadie quickly moved in to apprehend it. After a blurry typhoon of flying fur, swiping claws, feisty hisses and lots of yelping (the latter from Sadie), he was finally able to nab it and stuff it in the bag.

"There," he panted. When he noticed the boiling glare he was receiving from Karnage (who was also spitting water out of his mouth), his heart nearly jumped to his tonsils. "Oh, um, you'll be g-glad to know, boss, sir," he said, grinning nervously, "th-this is the last of the cats! Eh-heh, yep. I'll just go, uh..." He bolted like a flash before Karnage could have him skinned on the spot.

The Captain slowly stood up, breathing heavily and angrily, rubbing his neck and nose.

"Sorry about that," Kit said. "But it was the only thing I could think of."

"Just get out of my way, boy," he grumbled. Then Dumptruck had Karange's finger against his nose. "And _you_, you have scrubbing to do! Now move it!"

Both a bit miffed from such a crabby dismissal, Kit and Dumptruck left, quietly muttering amongst themselves about what a grouch the boss was.

After picking up the vase Kit brought out of the bathroom, Karnage trudged over to his big, body-length mirror to check over any blemish done to his fabulous looks. His fur was wet and tangled from the chest up, but that was the extent of the damage. Taking a deep, aggravated breath, he headed toward his bathroom when he noticed he had just stepped in something squishy... and it wasn't the cushiness of the fine rug he was standing on, either.

Looking down, he gasped with disgust. Apparently, Sadie's "last cat" had used his floor for a sandbox. "My... my good rug!" he lamented. "It's _ruined_!"

*_squeak_ _squeak_!*

To top it all off, that filthy brown mouse was somewhere close, no doubt watching and reveling in his misery. In his mind, he pictured ever-so-clearly the rodent laughing at him in its squeaky voice. It made his fists clench, his teeth grind... now, more than ever, it was personal. The mouse had to die!


	3. Chapter 3

**_Of Mice & Morons_**, by Ted Heinz   
  


_Chapter 3_

**B**y the time the Iron Vulture was only half an hour from its destination, Karnage himself, without the aid of anyone, had scourged through as much of the ship as possible, starting with his own cabin, leaving no knickknack unturned. The mouse was always nearby... he could hear it squeak wherever he went. The horribly aggravating part was, it seemed more like the mouse was following _him _than the other way around.

Meanwhile, events in the hangar were winding down smoothly. One of the pirates had just departed in his CT-37, in order to scout out ahead for the Queen Maureen's position. The other planes were replenished and moved out of the way, and ropes and mechanical winches were set up around the airship's giant bomb bay doors.

"Somebody get a hold of Karnage," Will said through a radio. "Tell 'em we can drop as soon as he and the boys are ready to go."

The craft elevator siren went off again, and Sadie and Hacksaw lowered down into the hangar in the same seaplane as before. They had just got back from setting the stray cats free.

They taxied the plane to the far side of the hangar where Will wanted it. He wasn't so angry with them this time, but still annoyed that they had to make another trip. But as soon as they came to a halt, he noticed something was terribly wrong... the plane was shaking like something _big _in the cargo hold was wildly thrashing around.

Sadie jumped out of the cockpit first, looking even more pleased with himself than he did the last time.

"What in—whaddaya got in there _this _time?" Will wanted to know.

"It was a stroke of luck!" Sadie proclaimed. "Picture it: we set down on a beach and were shooin' the cats away, when all the sudden, we notice there's a bloomin' _circus _on the other side of the trees! So we go take a peek, see all these animals in cages, and Hacksaw gets a great idea! The boss was right, little cats ain't gonna do much on a big ship like this...!"

From inside the plane, there was more shaking, and a deep, blood-curdling roar.

The cigar fell of Will's mouth as he dreadfully recalled Karnage's sarcastic remark to the two earlier. "You stole a _tiger _to catch the mouse?!"

"'Course not," Sadie said, looking at him like he was inane. "There ain't no tigers at the circus!"

Just then, Hacksaw came around from the other side of the plane. His clothes were shredded, he had scratch marks everywhere, and he was carrying a huge butterfly net, of which the mesh had been all but annihilated. "We stole a _lion_!" he squealed gleefully.

Will just about came unglued. "You brought a _lion _onboard this ship? A _lion_?!"

Sadie ducked his head modestly as if he was being complimented. "Well... Hacksaw did most of the work."

"You dumb-bells!" Will cried. "Lions don't eat mice!"

"Well they're still cats, aren't they," Hacksaw protested. 

"Yeah," Sadie added, "what more would they rather eat?"

"_Us_!" blared Will. "The Captain'll have your sand-filled heads for this!"

Suddenly, they all noticed the turmoil from inside the plane had quelled. All the pirates that were present slowly gathered around, wondering what could have happened...

"Hey, Hacksaw, you _did _remember to close your door when you got out, right?"

Hacksaw scratched his head, thinking about it. "Ummm..."

They all had their answer when the lion jumped on top of the plane, brandishing its big fangs with a deafening roar.

The pirates scattered faster than they had ever scattered before, screaming for their lives. "Grab your muskets!" some shouted. Will hollered for someone to get word to Karnage right away.

But by the time they had regrouped, guns and clubs ready, the lion had disappeared.

"You know, maybe it wasn't such a good idea," Sadie mused. Then he received a smack upside the head from Will. "Ow!"

"You two really did it now! When Karnage finds out about this..." Will made a gruesome cutting gesture with his thumb across his throat. "It's curtains for you both!"

Sadie gulped. "Wait wait wait, we'll get the lion back, you'll see!"

"What color curtains?" Hacksaw wondered. "I think orange would go pretty with..."

Sadie grabbed his arm and led him away. "Shaddup and let's go! We gotta find that thing before the boss finds us!"

"The Captain's not on the bridge," said Bandit Patch, a scruffy, dark-furred wolf. He had just finished contacting various places on the ship, and came to relay to Will what they had reported back to him. "I told 'em it was an emergency, but none of 'em know where the Sam Hill he's at. And he ain't in his cabin either, or the radio room. 'Fact, nobody's seen him for about an hour."

"Somebody check his bathroom?"

"Yup. He ain't on the pot, either."

"You tellin' me we're twenty stinkin' minutes from the heist, and Karnage is missing? That's impossible!"

"All I know is nobody's seen 'im," Patch shrugged.

  
  


"I will find you and clobber you myself," vowed Don Karnage, who, on his hands and knees, was scouring the rafters of the Iron Vulture's engine room. "You cannot run away from me forever!"

He had been following the mouse throughout the entire port-side of the airship like a scavenger on a wild goose chase. He followed the squeaking... that vexing, wrath-invoking squeaking... until he actually caught glimpses of the critter, and chased it from one room to another. In its latest stunt, the mouse scurried up a pipe along a stairway wall toward the engines, and there Karnage had been for at least the past thirty minutes, searching for it.

The engine room was a perfect hideaway for such a small enemy, with all the ear-numbing rumbling and grinding of the massive turbines and gears, and distracting mechanical parts everywhere spinning, pumping, and whirring around. Still, Karnage kept focused, harnessing all his concentration toward his single objective. He wasn't doing that bad, either; he was constantly flushing the mouse from behind and under machinery, and had almost been able to snatch it with a couple of flying leaps. As Kit has said earlier of it, though, 'Holy propwash! That thing's fast!'

Karnage was crouching beside one of the control lever panels, shifting his eyes from side to side. "I am smarter, stronger, and deadlier!" he cried out. "You will 'rube' the day you snuck aboard my ship!"

*_squeak!_* was the response he received.

"Oh, think I am _joking_, do you?" He got down low, with his face near floor level, and visually combed the area. "Soon_ I_ will be the only one doing the ha-ha-ing around here!"

The squeaking grew closer and closer. "Yes, I have you," Karnage whispered. "Show yourself now..."

More squeaks, this time very nearby; he could practically smell its cheese-ridden breath. It was as if the mouse was sitting on his shoulder, squeaking in his ear... then he realized, it _was_.

"Ack!" Immediately, Karnage shot up, inadvertently clunking his head on an over-stretching metal beam. "Ouch! _Die_, you wretched beast!"

The mouse ran all the way to the opposite end of the engine room, with Karnage charging after it at full sprint. "I have you now!" he huffed.

To his chagrin and frustration, though, the mouse merely slipped down through the square grates of an air shaft covering. "Aaaugh! No!" the Captain cried, sliding headfirst into to grate. "Come back here, you coward!"

*_squeak!_* the mouse answered from a distance.

"'Come and get me', you say?! You think I would _not_? Oh no, I am not giving up that easily, not after all this!" With his mind only one-tracked and bent on the mouse's ruin, he pulled the covering away and slid down himself after it...

  
  


In the meantime, while everyone else busied themselves preparing in the hangar, Jacque, Rugby, and Kit kept an eye over things on the bridge. 

Kit kept watch out the Iron Vulture's windshield with a pair of binoculars. Ample pass was drawing closer from the horizon, where tall, sharp, mountainous peaks sprouted out of the open sea. Its valleys were green and lush, where birds soared between and above the towering crests. In all, it was a beautiful area, and not hard to understand why a luxury ship would chart its course through the cradle of its scenery.

The plan was to hover the airship low and use the mountains for cover, until the appropriate moment when it would spring over and take the Queen Maureen by unpleasant surprise.

The radio buzzed, and the scout in the CT-37 reported in: "Ship ahoy! I see it, and it's right on time! It'll be in the pass within ten minutes!"

"You're about five miles out and two hundred feet, Jacque," Kit said to the helm. "Better slow it down and start descending."

"Aye," Jacque morosely replied. "If there's even a point to it anymore."

Kit sighed. "Well, he's gotta be _somewhere _around here."

  
  
  
  


Elsewhere, Hacksaw was tip-toeing aimlessly about the ship, searching for the lion. "Here kitty kitty," he coaxed. "Nice kitty..."

Faintly, from a drain in the middle of the corridor, he heard, *_squeak!_* *_squeak!_*

"The mouse!" he gasped. He dove to the floor and gave the drain a good sniff. "Aaaah... definitely mouse!"

With nothing but brute strength, he reached down and ripped out a big, square piece of the steal paneling the floor consisted of, then tossed it aside like a piece of cardboard. "Don't run, mousey! I'm coming to get you!" With that, he squeezed down into the adjoining space, and followed the squeaks...

  
  


Will and some of the others spread out through the ship to look for Karnage. "Captain!" he called out. "Hey boss, where _are _ya? Captain!"

From literally out of nowhere, he finally heard Karnage answer, "_What_?"

"Captain! Is that you?"

"Who does it _sound _like, you idiot, Errol Slim?"

Will turned and looked everywhere, but had no clue where the voice was coming from, as if he were talking to a ghost. "This is givin' me the spooks," he muttered. "Boss, where _are _you?"

"What?"

"I said, where _are _you?"

"_What_? Speak up!"

Losing his patience, Will just got to the point. "Listen! We're less than ten minutes from the Queen Maureen, but we got a big problem! There's a lion on the loose somewhere!"

"What?"

"I said, a lion on the loose!"

"Oh, shut up and hold on!" said Karnage, very annoyed.

Will looked up, and it finally dawned on him that the Captain's voice was coming from the vent right above him on the ceiling... but without warning, Karnage kicked out the metal covering and dropped down to the hall. "Now, _who _is riding on a goose?" he asked, but realized he was talking to himself.

Will was laid out on the floor, out colder than a frozen tuna. There was a bump on his head where the cover had hit him.

Just then, the brown mouse dropped down on top of Karnage's nose, sprang forward and sped down the hall. 

"_Mouse_! Die!"

Karnage grabbed his cutlass and galloped after it, chasing it all the way to the bridge, where the mouse disappeared into a gap by the helm wheel, a small, cracked part of the floor that was in need of repair. Karnage burst into the room and, nearly knocking Jacque on the ground, came to a sliding halt over the small hole. "I saw where you went! You cannot hide!"

"Captain, you're finally here!" Kit said, speaking for everyone else.

"Of course I am—wait, boy, you're hands are small! Get over here at once and reach for that mouse!"

"But the...!"

"No buts! Pronto!"

Hal rushed into the bridge, panting. "Boss, what are ya _doin_'? That cruise ship's gonna pass us by in _five minutes_! You gotta get to the hangar!"

"Cruise ship...?" Karnage blinked as if an egg-timer suddenly went *ding* inside his head. "My _plunder_! How could I forget—aaugh, that blasted mouse! Tell the men to get ready! I will be there soon!"

Hal nodded and jogged back down to the hangar, where the rest of the looting crew were standing by.

"Boy, the hole!" Karnage ordered. "Quickly!"

"But what about the cruise ship?"

"If I have five more minutos to catch that thing, and I am going to use them! Now hurry!"

Kit complied, and felt inside for anything he could find. As he did, Karnage hurried to the windshield to see how they were positioned. Just as planned, the Iron Vulture was barely fifty feet in the air, screened by the mountains, and crawling to a still hover on the far side of the pass, far enough where the Queen Maureen'spassengers would never hear its engines before it was too late.

"It is almost happening," Karnage mused to himself, on the verge of panicking. "That mouse has come _this close _to ruining _everything_!"

Kit heard him and offered his two cents. "You know, Captain, maybe if you just _forgot _about the mouse, everything would be—" He stopped when Karnage turned and gave him 'the look'. "Or... maybe I oughtta quiet up and just help you catch it."

Rugby, who was monitoring the bridge radio with a headset, said, "Capt'n, Jack says the cruise ship's gone into the pass! It's all ours!"

"Fine! Scotty, prepare to lift off!"

"It's _Jacque_," the helmsman corrected (for about the ninety-fifth time).

"It's no use," Kit said. "I can't reach _anything _down there."

"Then try _harder_, boy! I _know _it's in there!"

"But I can't!"

Karnage grumble something in Spanish, but then had a better motivational idea. He bent down next to Kit's ear and said quietly, "You know, my boy, the reward _could _be yours."

Something flashed in Kit's eyes like little dollar signs. "Well, when you put it _that _way..." He pulled back his sleeve, got flat on his stomach, and reached for all he was worth.

Just underneath them all, in the crawlspaces below the bridge, Hacksaw crept through the recess of pipes and beams like a tiger on the prowl. Just up ahead, from what was his ceiling, he saw the blurry movement of a brown shape feeling about a small gap, then watched it retreat back up through the hole.

"Darn it, it's no use," said Kit, pulling out his arm. "I bet that mouse is long gone."

Before Karnage's hopes were dashed, they all heard Hacksaw cry out from nowhere, "The mouse! I found the mouse!"

"What—who is that? Where are you?" Karnage called back.

"It's Hacksaw!" Kit said. "And it sounds like he's coming from..." He gestured to the gap in the floor, puzzled. "Well, don't ask me how _he _fit in there."

Karnage pushed Kit out of the way and shouted down at the floor, "Hacksaw! You can see the mouse?"

"I saw it, Capt'n! I saw it! It went right up here!"

Karnage's face lit up like a Christmas tree as he looked up at Kit and the others. "Hee ha! Good good good, he sees it!" Then, back to Hacksaw, he said, "Listen to me! I want that thing blasted into a thousand-and-one kingdoms coming!"

There was an awkward pause; though none on the bridge could see it, Hacksaw was licking his chops. "You... really _mean _it?" he squealed.

"Yes, of course! _Kill _the estupid thing!"

"Oh boy oh boy oh boy," Hacksaw exhaled. He dug in the pocket of his tattered trousers until he fished out a match, and struck it under his chin to light it. He always carried a pack of dynamite strapped to each arm—for he loved to set off explosives like fish loved to swim—and times like these they really came in handy.

Closing one eye and squinting, he eventually managed to meet his shaking hands together and lit the dynamite's wick. "Here we go-o," he sang.

"All right, Scotty," said Karnage, "it is time! Take the ship up!" Waving his arms in the air enthusiastically, he continued, "Hee hee, the mouse is doomed, and _I_ am about to become the black cloud raining over the Queen Maureen'sparade of silver linings!"

Karnage's face fell as he was in mid-pose when a burning stick of TNT suddenly sprung out from the floor and rolled at his feet. "You know, I am _really _starting to get cheesed off."

"Pull chocks!" Kit screamed. It was every pirate for himself!

With a ear-splitting bang, the explosion sent a blinding surge of gray smoke through the bridge. The group was knocked to the floor, coughing and gagging.

"Everyone *_cough_* okay?" Rugby asked.

"Aye," moaned Jacque. "And I quit."

"Capt'n? You good?"

"Yes, yes," Karnage replied, half-dazed. "*_cough_* I seem to have fallen on something soft..."

"Yeah, and get off me!" Kit yelped.

There was a very rapid clicking sound that baffled them.

"What'n the world...?"

When the smoke began to fade a little, through their blurred vision they saw something terribly unpleasant, and the clicking noise was revealed. The helm steering wheel was knocked out of control, spinning recklessly on its own.

"_Grab that wheel!_" Karnage barked.

Jacque and Rugby made a beeline for it, but ended up running into each other instead and falling back on the ground. By then, it was too late.

The ship began to tilt to the side, and everyone onboard was sent rolling on the floor. Even the parked planes began to slide and bump into each other. Almost just as quickly, there was a violent, rolling tremor as the Iron Vulture slid side-first into the ocean, plopping and bobbing in the water like a fifty-thousand ton beach ball. Its great metal hull creaked and groaned under the impact, and massive, foamy waves flew out in all directions of the sea.

One passenger, sunning on a lawn chair with his wife on the deck of the Queen Maureen, thought he heard something suspicious from afar. "I say, Lovey, did you hear that?"

"It's only the wind, dear."

"Huh."

Meanwhile, the air pirates were picking themselves up from the floor, groggy and dizzy as if they'd been on the merry-go-round for too long (and then fell on their heads).

Using a window sill, Don Karnage shakily pulled himself up to his knees, and pressed his nose against the glass as he saw the Queen Maureen sail off in the distance, unspoiled and completely oblivious to the pirates' presence. From the look on his face, you'd think it was the saddest sight he'd ever seen. "My... _plunder_! My beautiful plunder!"

One by one, the rest of the pirates from the hangar staggered to the bridge, wondering what went wrong.

"Well, I'm sure we can still catch 'em, boss," said Rugby.

"No! No no no!" Karnage fumed. "It is all _wrong_! I had a_ perfect _plan! An _unstoppable _plan! And now it's all _kaput_!"

"But, it wasn't _our _fault this time," said Dumptruck.

Then, right on cue: *_squeak_!*

A lone eyebrow rose above Karnage's crown. His pupils shrank, his nose twitched, and his stare drew a blank.

"What's wrong with him," Kit whispered aside to Hal.

"Give 'im a second," the hefty feline said. "It's the first time Dumptruck's ever been right."

"The mouse," Karnage breathed. A new wave of fury washed over him, snapping him back to his wits. Slow and gravely, he drew his cutlass. "Take your weapons, men, _all _of you..." In a deep growl, he finished, "The mouse _will not _survive this hour."

The crew complied, brandished their pistols, swords, and clubs, and began to grumble about the cause of their misfortune. Soon, they were in an uproar and shouting for the mouse's hide.

"Shush, you fools," hissed Karnage, silencing them. "_Listen _for it..."

*_squeak_!*

Karnage slowly crept through the crowd, following the sound. "I can hear it..."

*_squeak_!* *_squeak_!*

"It always shows itself, just to mock me..."

*_squeak_!*

"And _laugh _at me... it _knows _what it has done."

From on top of the pipes that were lined near the ceiling, Karnage heard the very light patter of mouse feet, running away from the bridge.

He threw his finger in that direction and shouted, "There it goes! After it!"

"_Harr_!" Like a heard of spooked wildebeests, the crew charged forward, and poor Karnage quickly found himself drowning their thundering stampede. By the time they had cleared the hallway, he was on the ground, seeing stars.

Kit grabbed him by the arm to help him up. "Come on, Captain, _forget _about the mouse. You're gonna put yourself in a pine box if you keep up like this."

"Oh, no more for me, thank you," he slurred. "I'm flying home."

Kit just rolled his eyes. "Sure."

In reckless abandon, the pirate crew galloped into the hangar area, two decks above the floor. There, on the far side of the catwalk, the mouse appeared in plain view, sitting calmly in the middle of the walkway.

"Hey, there it is!" one shouted.

"If I didn't know any better, I'd say it was _waiting _for us," another said.

"Bullocks, it's just a dumb mouse," a third replied. "Pummel it!"

With a battle cry, all thirty-or-so of them charged again, waving their weapons in the air. The catwalk began to creak under their pounding weight, but they took no heed of it. As they reached the other side, though, they found no sign of the mouse.

"Hey, where'd it go?"

*_squeak squeak!_* The mouse was still on the catwalk, but now back on the other end, where they had just ran from.

"_How'd _it get clear back there?"

"Just shaddup and smash it!"

Like angry bulls, the crew stampeded the other direction. The catwalk shook more, creaked louder, and this time nuts and bolts began to pop out of place from underneath.

Just as before, the mouse was gone by the time they got there; also just as before, it was calling to them from the opposite end. *_squeak!_*

"Blasted thing! Over there!"

Inevitably, as they began to run, the catwalk could take no more and snapped loose, and fell right from under their feet. There was a big chorus of "Whoooahh!" just before they hit the hangar floor with a monstrously resounding crash, knocking them clean out and crushing two parked CT-37s.

Kit was one of the few that didn't join the mouse-hunt, knowing it was healthier that way. Instead, he was heading to the kitchen to sneak an afternoon snack together when he was startled by the immense crashing noises from the hangar. He quickly about-faced and raced to see what happened...

Don Karnage finally came around again and hurried to the hangar. When he saw the destruction laid before him on the floor, his jaw dropped in shock and outrage. "My _ship_! And my _planes_! What have you imbeciles done?!"

From the messy pile, Dumptruck alone started to stir, just to mumble, "Stupid smart evil mousey." With that, he joined the rest of his comrades in lullaby-land.

*_squeak squeak!_*

The squeak sent nerve-racking chills down Karnage's back like claws scraping against a chalkboard. This time, the mouse was on the catwalk on the stern side of the ship, zipping around to and fro in short distances, as if begging for the Captain to chase it.

"Mouse! It is _over_!" Karnage didn't waste a split second. He hoisted his sword and charged gung-ho, his eyes red, furious, and fixed on the mouse. The critter stopped just at the base of one of posts supporting the catwalk's handrail, and turned to look at Karnage eye-to-eye, fearlessly, as if it had no comprehension that it was in any danger at all.

What Karnage never noticed was that Dumptruck had been scrubbing that catwalk, and the earlier turmoil that crash-landed the airship had spilled a pail of soapy water all over the metal walkway. He slid to halt, winding his cutlass high in the air... but kept on sliding.

"_Yiiieee_!" He tripped and fell on his tail, but he wasn't about to give up so easily. Just as he slid by the mouse at great speed, he swung his sword so ferociously that when it hit the metal post, it knocked the hilt clear out of his hand.

Karnage came to a stop on the far side of the catwalk, only a step or two away from the head of the stairway that led down to the decks below. He took a good look behind him, and a richly satisfied grin crept up on his face... the mouse wasn't there anymore. 

"Ha, _yes_!" He jumped to his feet, in the spirit of a football player who just scored a championship-winning touchdown. "I _got _you! I _told _you, you raunchy rodent, I am _smarter_, I am _stronger_, and I am—whooahh!" In his gloating, he absently planted his heel on a misplaced scrub-brush, and went tumbling backwards down the entire flight of stairs... and then a second flight.

Between all the clanks and the clunks, he yelped and swore, until he finally hit the floor in a sprawled-out heap of ruffled fur.

As Kit jotted down one of the corridors, nearing the hangar, the mouse suddenly appeared at the junction ahead. The two stopped and studied each other.

"Oh, man, twenty pieces of gold," Kit said to himself.

*_squeak?_* asked the mouse, curiously.

Instead of running after it, Kit knelt down and searched the hidden inside-pocket of his sweater for a cookie. He liked to carry one or two around as spares in case of an emergency sweet-tooth attack. He found one, ate half, and held the other half out as an offering. "Here little guy, wanna cookie?"

He waited patiently as the mouse drew slowly nearer, then, like a slingshot, it darted up his arm and ran around his collar, tickling his neck. "He-ey," he giggled. The mouse went inside his sweater, scurried down his arm and back out into his open hand, where it began nibbling on the cookie. As Kit watched it, his conscience got the better of him. "Aw, dangit, I can't turn you in. You're too cute!"

*_squeak!_* agreed the mouse.

With his new friend cupped in his hands, Kit walked the rest of the way to the hangar, and was taken aback how, within five minutes, the whole place was turned into a disaster area. "Oh my gosh!"

He quickly and carefully ran across the slicked catwalk Karnage had fallen from, down the stairs, and came to the Captain's side. "Captain! Are you okay? Speak to me!"

Very dazedly, Karnage looked up at him; by the way his eyes were spinning, he was probably seeing four or five blurred and wavy bear cubs instead of just one. "Did... I... get it?" His expression was practically pleading for Kit answer in the affirmative.

"Um, well..." Kit quickly hid the mouse behind his back. He just didn't have the heart to tell him the truth. "It's eaten its last piece of cheese."

Brightened, but his head still swimming like a school of anchovies, Karnage managed to wobble to his feet, and throwing a prominent finger in the air, proclaimed with great pride—well, more like wheezed, "Victory!" Then he collapsed to the floor like a broken accordion.

  
  
  
  


Never any the wiser, the Queen Maureen made it to the borders of Uslandian waters without incident. Don Karnage never even tried to regroup and chase after her.

With the mouse finally disposed of, or so it was believed (Kit kept it to himself until he would be able to set it free on Pirate Island), the next several hours onboard the Iron Vulture were spent cleaning, repairing, reorganizing, and tending to wounds. As Jacque had predicted, the infirmary _was _packed heavier than a sack of potatoes; but because of the pressing need to get the Iron Vulture back in service, few pirates were actually privileged enough to get some resting time out of it.

Will was one of the lucky few; he had a whopper of a black eye, and was holding an ice pack to it, reclining on a cot. Rachet was on the cot next to him, heavily into a mechanics book (injury or no, he was actually enjoying not having to work). Will watched him for awhile, and a thought crossed his mind...

"You ever hear of that one book," he said, "where there was the guy, he was a sea captain, I guess, one of those chumps that used to hunt for whales."

"Nuh-uh," Ratchet absently replied, turning a page.

"Yeah, I heard in the story, he's so obsessed with killin' this one whale, and it ends up ruinin' the dumb sap."

Ratchet put down his book momentarily and glanced up at him. "What made ya think of that? The boss and mouse?"

"Mouse? Oh, naw, I was just thinkin' of how much I hate to read..."

  
  


When all the commotion had died down much later that afternoon, and the Iron Vulture was back in the air, headed home, Don Karnage was ready to call it a day and went to bed before the sun even began to set.

Yawning like a hippo, he swept his feet into his cabin, only to find somebody already in his bed! It was a large figure, perhaps Dumptruck or Hal's size, lying under his covers. The audacity of one of those smelly nincompirates napping in his bed left him scandalized.

"You! Get your flea-infested flanks up from there this minu-ette!"

The figure stirred, but ignored the order.

Infuriated, and gritting his teeth, Karnage yanked up his sleeves and stormed toward his bed, seething, "Whoever you are, I am about tear you into ten thousand tiny bits of kibble.......!"

Throughout the halls, there was suddenly heard a roar like rolling thunder... followed by a distant, terrified shriek from Don Karnage.

Sadie and Hacksaw, who were nearby cleaning up their berth, were startled.

"Hacksaw, you hear that?"

Hacksaw cupped his hands up to his ears to listen. "The _mouse _again?"

"No, it sounded like—" After thinking about it for a second, Sadie cringed. "Oh, crud, we're in for it now."

"Why?"

"We forgot about the lion."

  
  
  
  


_*Squeak!*_   
(The End, in mouse-speak)


End file.
